So there I was, thinking that my day was going to be my own when suddenly I remembered that my 16-year-old son wanted to be Pinocchio for the end-of-year party. (The reason why still escapes me.) After calling in reinforcements, I tackled Hobby Lobby with visions of Disney sashaying in my head.
Things were going fine until I realized that Pinocchio needs a nose. Aha! I thought, I can do that. So I bought some Silly Putty, went home and crafted the best looking paper plate-cone nose you’ve ever seen. I hot glued it, smeared the whole thing with Silly Putty, and was admiring the effect when the Daughter meandered into the room.
“What is that?” She wrinkled her adorable 19-year-old nose in a not-so -adorable 19-year-old attitude.
“That is your brother’s nose.”
“Nose, huh? That’s not what it looks like. It looks like a huge…”
I cut her off. “That is because you are a twisted person. It looks like a nose.”
“If you say so. Why are you putting it in the fridge?”
Well, all creative artists know that Silly Putty will overheat and stretch if it gets too hot, so I ignored her.
Son comes home, goes into the fridge in search of sustenance and yelps. “What is THAT?”
“That is your nose.”
“It looks like a big…”
“NO! IT DOES NOT! It looks like a nose and it even has nostrils.”
“Oh, is that what those are?”
Ungrateful child. So the nose had a little bump on the end of it. I’m not a sculptor. Son promptly goes meandering around the house with the nose in strange places, saying a in a falsetto, “I’m a REAL boy!”
I had a sudden vision that this was going to be quite a night.
Hubby comes home and looks at Son parading around. “What is he wearing? Is that a -?”
“Nose,” I replied wearily. “It is a nose. Don’t encourage him.”
Son was the hit of the party. All the girls loved his nose. All the guys had nose envy. Many photos were taken, many off-color jokes made, and I just wanted to curl up and die. He even won for best costume, which he accepted with his usual aplomb. Let’s face it, any high school sophomore that can pull off being Pinocchio with a phallic nose is a man to be reckoned with. Or feared. Maybe both.
The nose is sitting on the kitchen table right now. Maybe I’ll have it bronzed.
Pinocchio (the real one) working the crowd
Today’s mystery: Why do the heaviest chested girls always defy gravity by wearing the skimpiest dresses?
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Mysteries of My Life 
Posted by Lori Downs on June 6, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Loved the “nose” story! I can’t stop laughing!!!!!